21 5 / 2013
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
(via oyachumii)
21 5 / 2013
Never knew I could feel like this: A few tips for people who have never worked in the food service industry for when they visit said industries
1. When greeted by the person behind the counter, unacceptable responses to “Hi” include: “yeah, give me…”, “I don’t know what I want yet”, or “*silence*”. Acceptable responses: “Hi”
2. Look at the fucking menu before you order.
3. Check the price of the thing before you get the thing. Don’t…
17 5 / 2013
I can’t click my reblog button hard enough
It’s not just the ladies who get insecure, it’s all of us. It’s a human trait, yo.
reblog this everytime i see it. soooo cute!
This is my favorite male body love post, because it’s the only one where the male body has body hair.
(Source: dyslexicdan, via ashieyuxea)
16 5 / 2013
The next time you feel down, just remember that Bruce Banner tried to kill himself and Tony Stark has anxiety attacks, and they’ve both saved the world. You will be okay.
(via squeezil)
14 5 / 2013
It’s not “bacon,” it’s a pig.
It’s not “veal,” it’s a calf.
It’s not “steak,” it’s a cow.
It’s not “meat,” it’s an animal…
its not “fruit”, its dividing cells that accumulate fructose…
it’s not delivery. it’s digiorno.
It’s not a scene, it’s a god damn arms race
It’s not “levioSA”, it’s “leviOsa”
Maybe it’s Maybelline
(via tumblahgetsdeep)
14 5 / 2013
this is where i’d keep my scratching post…IF I HAD ONE
THE COMMENT IS PERFECT AND I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING OHMYGOD.
i really did try so hard to scroll past this. I had to scroll back up like five times to look at it again and again because it is too damn funny. and then decided that the whole world must see this.
(Source: alxbngala, via tumblahgetsdeep)
04 5 / 2013
PLEASE NEVER GIVE YOUR ANIMALS HARTZ PRODUCTS! IT HAS CAUSED NUMEROUS DEATHS IN CATS, and DOGS, it HAS CAUSED BURNS, and SEIZURES, THE VETERINARIAN SAYS IT IS PURE POISON. EVEN THE ANIMAL TREATS! PLEASE PLEASE REBLOG THIS!! YOU MAY SAVE A LIFE!i just looked this up you guys and its legit, so yeah, dont buy tthis stuff!
I have known this but signal boost for all that don’t!
SIGNAL BOOST. I spoke to my vet about this. IT WILL KILL YOUR DOGS AND CATS.
I don’t usually reblog these things but oh my god signal boost this is terrible. :(
If this happened to my dog I would fucking set the factory on fire
signal boost and fuck yes ill tell my parents about this, no way in hell my 3 feline friends aren’t going to have this ‘medicine’.))
(Source: xenaoth, via dareyoutoleap)
04 5 / 2013
Things you WISH you could say at school and/or work… and sometimes to people on facebook.
- I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a fuck.
- How about “never”? Is “never” good for you?
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
- Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll be it’s hard to pronounce.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
- You sound reasonable… time to up my medication.
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
- I’m our of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- My toys! My toys! I can’t do this without my toys!
- Well, aren’t we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
- Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
- Do I look like a fucking people person?
- This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- You! Off my planet!
- I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
03 5 / 2013
Reblog if it’s okay to start talking to you.
I would talk to you, but your ask box isn’t open.
(Source: skate-low, via magicaldisneymoments)
